Proverbs on Speech
Part 8: Tongue Violence

Baxter T. Exum (#1778)
Four Lakes Church of Christ
Madison, Wisconsin
April 6, 2025

It is so good to be back in Madison this morning! If you are visiting with us today (either here in person or online or on the phone), welcome! We are happy to have you with us, and we’d like to ask that you fill out a visitor card – either online or on a card from the pew in front of you. And we also invite you to pass along any questions or prayer concerns in that way.

I am thankful to Josh and John for preaching over the past two weeks. I left after worship three weeks ago to attend a series of lectures on the book of Genesis at Freed-Hardeman University down in Tennessee. Following those lectures, my wife flew to Nashville, I helped our daughter with some yard work for a few days, and then we headed down to New Orleans. Our goal was to get in and out without getting murdered and to eat some good food for a few days. Mission accomplished! And one thing I really wanted to do was to visit the Goodwood Boulevard congregation in Baton Rouge. Right after Hurricane Katrina hit, we learned that these people were hosting around 120 people in their church building, people who had fled the destruction in New Orleans. Well, as you can imagine, when you have that many people living in a church building, you may be able to feed them, but they really needed some showers. So, the Wednesday after Katrina hit, we decided to send $5,000 from our church treasury, and we challenged ourselves to come up with more on our own, and by Sunday, we sent a total of just under $12,000. We got that to them immediately, and they were able to set up some temporary showers in their parking lot. They were providing food, and shelter, and showers for several days before FEMA showed up. Amazing work! I’ve always wanted to visit and to see these people in person, and I got to do that on this trip. So, thank you for allowing us to be away for a bit.

As a reminder to all of us, but especially for the benefit of those who may be joining us for the first time (either online or in person), we’d like to give the reminder that we are here this morning to preach the good news that God loves us and that the Son of God came to this earth to save us. He died on the cross, he was buried, and he was raised up on the third day. We obey this good news by believing it, by having a change of heart resulting in a change in the way we live, by confessing our faith in Jesus as the Christ, the Son of God, and by allowing ourselves to be buried with him in baptism. And as our custom has been, we are sharing some examples of what this actually looks like. We are starting today with an update from Logan Cates in Durant, Oklahoma. He posted a few days ago and says, “Praise the Lord Jesus!! Pam and Jack were just now baptized into Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sins!!  After studying they wanted to do so in our pond!! ‘Here is water what hinders me?’ (Acts 8:37).  Pam’s daughter Krista got to watch as well [online]!! I’m so amazed how the body of Christ came together; someone invited, some studied, some welcomed, some prayed! I’ve never seen a couple more excited to follow Jesus and give their lives to Him!!!They are truly converted and convicted!! Please pray for them!” So good to see it!

This one comes to us from the Salt Lake City Church of Christ in Utah. They say, “Please join us in celebrating the baptism of Rick Spivey. Despite ongoing health issues and being hospitalized, Rick insisted on being baptized. The Lord has added another soul to His kingdom and everyone at the Salt Lake City Church of Christ couldn't be happier.” I don’t remember having an update like this from Utah. The church is rather small in that area, but we are glad to hear the good news from out that way.

This one comes to us from Todd Clippard down in Burleson, Alabama. You may remember we shared two lessons from Todd on the subject of alcohol back when I was away last September. But Todd posted a week or so ago and says, “Thank God for good and honest hearts! Alex and Hannah Hulsey have been visiting with us since the first of March. This past Sunday we set up a time to study at my house. Alex and Hannah have a great desire to live for the Lord and raise their two precious children in the way God wants them to grow. Using the Gingerbread Man, they saw the need to be baptized to contact the blood of Jesus to be forgiven of their sins. To God be the glory! I held off posting to allow them to tell their family and friends what great things the Lord has done for them!” I faintly remember learning something about the Gingerbread Man Bible study several years ago – something with a diagram illustrating what it means to be in Christ or out of Christ, but we are thankful for the good work Todd is doing down in Alabama.

This next one comes from my friend Cody Michael. You may remember I mentioned Cody’s work with Project Unify, a group he established to help with storm recovery. Cody has helped us here in Wisconsin with Beaver Creek Bible Camp the past two years. But Cody posted two weeks ago and says, “This is special. Brother W.J. Robinson of Tylertown, Mississippi, obeyed the gospel today! We don't share every story, but his is special. W.J. lost his 90-year old father during the storms due to a heart attack. His land, home, and road scattered with debris from the tornadoes. He literally has other people's entire homes from hundreds of yards away now in his back yard. His patience, and calm demeanor are clarity of quality and class. His genuineness to seek truth is a true encouragement to all of us. We've been helping clean his property and fully intend to continue helping our new brother in Christ! Please keep W.J. in your prayers as he begins his 1st year, during his 68th year. Praise the Lord and to God be the glory!” How amazing, that something so good has come out of something so terrible!

This one comes to us from the Lelsotet church of Christ in Kenya. They say that, “Sheila Chelangat today believed in Christ as her Savior and she put on Christ (Galatians 3:27)!” They say, “Welcome her and pray to stay faithful ‘till He comes.” And I love that last emphasis there. We do need to be praying that all of us will “stay faithful ‘till He comes.”

We have many more we could share this morning, but this last one comes to us from brother Bash Bristow, who preaches at the Roeser Road congregation down in Phoenix, Arizona. He posted a week or so ago and says that, “Tonight was one of the greatest moments of my life as both a father and a minister. My daughter, Bailey, made the most important decision she will ever make—she gave her life to Christ in obedience to the gospel and was baptized for the remission of her sins! There is no greater joy than seeing your child choose to follow Jesus, not out of pressure, but out of personal conviction and faith. I am so incredibly thankful for my wife, who has been a godly example for Bailey, and for our loving church family at Roeser Church of Christ, who have poured into her life, encouraged her, and helped guide her in the truth. Your influence and love have made an eternal impact. Most of all, I thank God for His grace, His mercy, and the gift of salvation through His Son, Jesus Christ. Tonight, we rejoice because we have a new sister in Christ! Please keep Bailey in your prayers as she begins her walk with the Lord.” And then he quotes 3 John 4, where John says that, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” Amen to that!

As always, we share these pictures as our invitation to you to obey the gospel just as these people have done. Whether you are in the desert of the American southwest, on the plains of Oklahoma, in storm-ravaged Mississippi, by a muddy stream in Kenya, or right here in Wisconsin, if we can help in any way, if you’d like to study together, please let us know. Pull me aside after worship, or give me a call or send a text to 608-224-0274.

This morning we are returning to our study of SPEECH in the book of Proverbs. In the big picture, we have now looked at 53% of the Proverbs. In this series within a series, we looked at the GOOD use of words over a period of three weeks, then we spent two weeks looking at King Solomon’s advice to STOP TALKING! We then looked at four verses focused on the danger of saying one thing and doing another, or the idea of HYPOCRISY. And before I was out for two weeks, we continued looking at the negative use of speech by thinking about the danger of GOSSIP. Solomon has had quite a bit to say about the words that we speak, and we are getting near the end. This leaves me with a pile of rather random and seemingly unrelated proverbs concerning the use of our words. And it was too many to cover in one lesson; so, two weeks ago, when I was hanging out with my daughter and as we were preparing for a day of yard work, I brought some breakfast from one of the dumpiest and yet most amazing restaurants (with perhaps some of the best bacon ever), and I laid out these remaining proverbs on the table, I read them out loud, and I asked for her help in perhaps pulling some of these out into a category of their own. Well, as we read these and read them again, we started to see another category develop. So, I have pulled out eight of these that seem to coalesce under the heading of TONGUE VIOLENCE. And that’s not a perfect description, but it’s the idea that sometimes the words that we speak have a way of leading to conflict of some kind – and it may be physical or it may be relational. Sometimes, we may say something that results in or adds to conflict. Solomon can see this, so he warns his sons about it with a series of short sayings scattered throughout the book of Proverbs. And as our custom has been with many of these, I’d like to simply look at these in canonical order, or in the order in which they appear in scripture, simply to make it a little bit easier to follow along. We will have these on the wall up here (or on your screen at home), but I would encourage you to look these up on your own. Your translation may have a different wording that may help you to understand it in a way I might have missed.

    1. But let’s start with Proverbs 13:2, where King Solomon says that, “From the fruit of a man’s mouth he enjoys good, but the desire of the treacherous is violence.”

The translations differ on this one, but we do see a contrast. We may not have speech directly associated with violence in the second half of this proverb, but there is a contrast between speaking well and enjoying good things on one hand, and living a life resulting in violence on the other hand. I know it’s a paraphrase, not a translation, but The Message says that, “The good acquire a taste for helpful conversation,” but on the other hand, “bullies push and shove their way through life.” So, there is a contrast between a life of speaking peace and a life of conflict, and the tongue is involved here. In the first part, we clearly understand that the words we speak bear fruit. When we speak, we have the potential for causing good things to happen. We may share wisdom, or show compassion, or encourage hope, or offer correction resulting in a changed life; we may give direction, transmit knowledge, or share some good news. But on the other hand, the treacherous are only interested in violence.

So, if we go through life thinking we can say whatever we want to say with no consequences, Solomon has a warning for us here! Generally speaking, gracious words result in good, but those who use their words to deceive and destroy will come to violence. On the positive side here, think about how Joseph made his way from prison to the throne. He used his words to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams. So also with David, and Daniel, and with so many others. On the other hand, we also think of those who were treacherous whose lives ended in violence – men like Absalom, and Haman, and Judas. Our words can bring either good or violence.

As Peter said in our scripture reading this morning (quoting from Psalm 34), “The one who desires life, to love and see good days, must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. He must turn away from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, and His ears attend to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil” (1 Peter 3:10-12).

    2. We continue with Proverbs 14:3, where King Solomon says that, “In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for his back, but the lips of the wise will protect them.”

We get the picture of somebody saying something stupid, and his words come back to bite him in the end. Many translations refer not to “a rod for his back,” but to “a rod of pride.” Apparently, that may be a more accurate or literal translation here. And so we have the picture of arrogant words. We might think of “trash talking” before or during a game. A month or two ago, we went to a hockey game with Aaron and Ann. We had a guy sitting behind us who was constantly yelling insults at the opposing team. And he kept saying, “You skate like a girl!” But what burned me up is that the guy had his little 7-year old daughter with him. It was bad enough on it’s own, but it was especially heartbreaking to hear this guy use this as an insult with his daughter right there beside him. Alcohol might have been involved, so I didn’t want to make the situation worse by confronting the guy, but I wish I could have introduced him to my shot-putting, discus-throwing, tire-flipping daughter. I wish I could have introduced him to one of our good sisters here at Four Lakes who played hockey in a previous life. But what an idiot! And I can’t help but think that his tongue will most likely bring “a rod for his back” at some point in life.

When we think of arrogant words, we might think of Goliath the giant trash-talking young David in 1 Samuel 17, making fun of him. The text says that Goliath “disdained [David], for he was but a youth, and ruddy, with a handsome appearance.” Some commentators suggest that the “ruddy” appearance might have been a reference to David’s acne. Goliath, then, was perhaps making fun of the Israelites for sending acne-boy out to meet him! And then the giant, seeing David’s shepherd staff, says to David directly (on the battlefield), “Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?” And the giant cursed David by his gods. And he continues by saying to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the sky and to the beasts of the field.” Those, by the way, were Goliath’s last words, because we know what happens next. Trash-talking doesn’t always end too well, and I think that’s Solomon’s warning here to his sons. Arrogant words have a way of coming back to bite us. 

    3. Let’s continue with Proverbs 15:1, probably the most famous of these, where King Solomon says that, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

The fact that we’re talking about an “answer” seems to imply that we’re dealing with a response of some kind. So, somebody says something to us, and this is how we respond. I would also point out that Solomon doesn’t seem to be addressing the CONTENT of our response as much as he is addressing the TONE of our response. So, it’s not necessarily the answer itself, but it’s the tone or perhaps the non-verbals we’re talking about here. And we understand this. Often, how we say something is even more important that the actual words that we say. And we see this on both ends of this proverb. On one hand, the preferred response is that we answer in a “gentle” way, and on the other hand it’s the “harsh word” that “stirs up anger.”

So, we have a picture of somebody who comes to us, and this person is absolutely outraged over something. What we say next has a way of either fixing this or making the situation much worse. This past Tuesday, as a chief inspector for a polling place here in Madison, I had a young woman come in who had voted absentee along with her husband about 12 days before the election, and when she checked myvotewisconsin, she saw that her husband’s ballot had been logged in as having been received, but hers had not. And to say that she was upset would have been a massive understatement, to say the least. In Wisconsin, it is now considered a felony to vote in person on election day if you have returned an absentee ballot by mail. She had returned her ballot by mail, but it hadn’t shown up yet. So, here she is, standing in my polling place, unable to vote. At that point, I could have said, “Well, that’s what you get for voting by mail!” But, I don’t think that really would have helped the situation. Thankfully, the City of Madison has trained Chief Inspectors in conflict resolution, they’ve sent us to the active shooter and deescalation training, I’ve had a whole masters-level class on conflict resolution, so in the kindest way possible and with a calm voice, I explained that our goal is to do everything possible to get her to vote. We checked with the clerk’s office just to be sure, but we ultimately had to explain that the way the law is currently written will not allow it. We did the best we could to empathize with her, and thankfully the situation ended peacefully. We know, however, that not everybody handles conflict with a gentle spirit. Sometimes we may respond with a harsh answer, and the situation ends in wrath.

But let’s also recognize here that there are times when we do respond with a gentle answer, but that answer does NOT turn away wrath. Sometimes, people are intent on escalating a situation, and there is nothing we can do (verbally) to stop it. In other words, this is a PROVERB. A proverb, as we have learned all along, is a statement that is generally true, but it is not an iron-clad guarantee. We think of Jesus who gave the perfect answer every single time and still ended up getting crucified. So, we may not be able to control how another person feels, but we can control how we respond, and Solomon here is encouraging a gentle response. Gentleness, of course, is a “fruit of the Spirit” (in Galatians 5:23). It may be difficult, but we can respond with gentleness with God’s help. And it may start by memorizing Proverbs 15:1.

    4. This brings us to Proverbs 17:20 (our last one for today), where King Solomon says that, “He who has a crooked mind finds no good, and he who is perverted in his language falls into evil.”

And certainly this one could have been included in several categories in our studies in the proverbs, but I’ve put it here because of the second half up here. Yes, someone with a crooked mind finds no good, but our emphasis today is on the fact that “he who is perverted in his language falls into evil.” A crooked mind and crooked speech will both get us in trouble, and one leads to another. We tend to speak what we think, and when we speak in a perverse way, we fall into calamity, or trouble, or mischief (as other translations put it).

And speaking of speaking what we think, some people today may say, “You don’t know my heart!” The Bible, though, does suggest that we can know something of a person’s heart based on what they say. If somebody has a crooked mind, chances are those thoughts will find their way out through words and actions. Generally speaking, we say and do what we think. And this perverted man speaking perverted things, Solomon says, will fall into evil.

Conclusion:

This brings us to the end of these first four of the eight proverbs in this series within a series. Today, we’ve learned that the words we speak (and even the tone of our words) may have a way of leading to conflict, even violence. Solomon reminds us, though, to answer with gentleness. Hopefully we can come back together next week and pick up with the next four of these.

For now, let’s close today’s study in prayer:

Our Father in Heaven,

Today, we come to you confessing that we often have a hard time controlling the things that we say. Sometimes we speak too soon, and sometimes we respond in a harsh or unloving way. For this, we ask for your forgiveness, and we ask your help to do better. Help us to respond to others just as your Son has demonstrated for us – with wisdom and courage and love.

We ask all of this in Jesus’ name. AMEN.

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