Proverbs on Speech
Part 7: Gossip

Baxter T. Exum (#1777)
Four Lakes Church of Christ
Madison, Wisconsin
March 16, 2025

It is so good to be together this morning! If you are visiting with us today (either here in person or online or on the phone), we are especially happy to have you with us, and we’d like to ask that you fill out a visitor card – either online or on a card from the pew in front of you. And we also invite you to pass along any questions or prayer concerns in that way. We get some interesting feedback on a regular basis. Last week, for example, we heard from someone helping a friend move, tuning in to the service while driving a U-Haul. That is awesome! So, whether you are at home on the couch or driving a truck across the country, we are glad to have you with us today. In terms of our prayer concerns, several of our families are traveling this morning. Shelby’s aunt passed away, so Josh and Shelby are with family in Kentucky. I believe the Richters are in Oklahoma, and others are traveling as well. In terms of good news, it is so good to have Abe back with us this morning. Abe has been through so much over the past month or so, but it is good to have Abe back with us today.

We are here this morning to preach the good news that God loves us and that the Son of God came to this earth to save us. He died on the cross, he was buried, and he was raised up on the third day. We obey this good news by believing it, by having a change of heart resulting in a change in the way we live, by confessing our faith in Jesus as the Christ, the Son of God, and by allowing ourselves to be buried with him in baptism. We had so many examples we could have shared today, but I’ll limit it to just a few, starting with an update from Edmund Borfay, who preaches the good news about Jesus in Liberia. Last Lord’s Day, Edmund simply says that, “Maxwell and Alex obeyed Jesus this afternoon.” As you may be able to see, Liberia is located on the western coast of Africa, between Sierra Leone to the northwest, Guinea to the north, and Cote d’Ivoire to the east. I learned this week, that Liberia was established in the early 1800’s by those who had formerly been enslaved in the United States. Many, therefore, moved back from the United States to a colony established in 1821, with the territory being named Liberia in 1824. It is now one of the poorest nations anywhere on earth. I had no idea, but we are certainly thankful that Maxwell and Alex have found Jesus in Liberia this week.

This last one comes to us from Oleksandr Rodichev, who preaches the gospel in Ukraine. He posted earlier this week, and he says, “Good news from Zhytomyr” (a city in the north-central part of that country). He says that, “We have a new sister in Christ—Karina! Her family moved from Dnipro to a safer place, and we are glad that the church family there has completed what we started.” That is outstanding! And as always, we share these pictures as our invitation to you to obey the gospel just as these people have done. If we can help in any way, if you’d like to study together, please let us know. Pull me aside after worship, or give me a call or send a text to 608-224-0274.

This morning we are returning to our study of SPEECH in the book of Proverbs. In the big picture, we have now looked at 52% of the Proverbs. We’ve looked at the GOOD use of words over a period of three weeks, then we spent two weeks looking at King Solomon’s advice to STOP TALKING! And last week we looked at four verses focused on the danger of saying one thing and doing another, or the idea of HYPOCRISY. We learned that some people will cover their hatred with a thin veneer of smooth speech, and Solomon wants his sons to avoid that.

Today, we continue with the negative use of speech by thinking about the danger of GOSSIP. Sometimes, it’s described as whispering, but it’s the idea of sharing what shouldn’t be shared. Sometimes, this sharing is done with the goal of doing damage, but other times there may NOT be a malicious intent; the damage is simply the byproduct of sharing what should not be shared. And as with many of these, our category today is somewhat mushy. Some of these could have very easily fit in multiple categories, but we are including them here because they are somewhat related. We are back to the land of no context today. These are widely scattered, so, as always, I want to encourage you to look these up in your own copy of the Bible, and we will be going through these in canonical order, or the order in which they appear in scripture, simply to help us follow along together.

    1. But let’s start with Proverbs 11:9, where King Solomon says that, “With his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous will be delivered.”

And I realize the word “gossip” isn’t used here, but I’m including it today because we have words causing a neighbor to be “destroyed,” and also because the solution to this verbal destruction is “knowledge.” As I see it, then, a neighbor is apparently saying something untrue about somebody, the words he speaks are destructive, but there is some deliverance through “knowledge.”

Some translations use the word “hypocrite” to describe this man, but the word is more accurately translated as “godless” or “profane” or “irreligious” or “polluted.” He may be a hypocrite, but that’s not really the definition here. Basically, he’s a bad man speaking words that destroy. So, here at the beginning, let’s just take this as a reminder to be aware: Some people will destroy you with the things that they say, and the only real antidote is “knowledge.” Someone has described this as “mind over chatter,” and I appreciate that. Knowledge is the only real solution to destructive words spoken by a godless neighbor.

    2. We continue with Proverbs 11:13, where King Solomon says that, “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.”

Various translations are remarkably similar on this one, mainly because the words in this passage are so simple and so common. Basically, a “talebearer” is someone who (with his words) uncovers what really should have stayed covered. And unfortunately, we see this all the time. We know people who share private information that was supposed to stay private. We see it online, we see it in the tabloids, and we also see it up close and personal. Some people love “sharing.” This morning, by the way, I was down at Cottage Cafe at 6 a.m. (as I always am), with the goal of making the sermon shorter. That’s what I do down there. I cut out everything that really doesn’t need to be said. So here I am working on today’s lesson on gossip, when the old guy next to me leans over and says, “You know, that woman over there is going through a divorce!” I didn’t need to hear that. Out of the blue, I’m on the receiving end of gossip, as I am studying a sermon on gossip! It took me off guard. I looked down, and then away, and then the conversation shifted. This guy had been married for 64 years. I told him I was coming up on 32 years. He said, “You’re halfway there!” And we moved on. But people love sharing personal information. On the other hand, though, those who are “trustworthy” will “conceal a matter.” Those who are faithful refuse to share what shouldn’t be shared.

And I think this would be a good time to point out that the same Hebrew word translated here as “talebearer” is found in the Law of Moses (in Leviticus 19:16), where God said, “You shall not go about as a slanderer among your people.” “Slanderer” and “talebearer” go back to the same Hebrew word. So, in the Law of Moses, right alongside those condemnations of murder and adultery, God specifically forbids sharing private information. And this would probably be a good time to point out that gossip is still bad, even if it’s true. Gossip is sharing something that shouldn’t be shared. Slander is simply gossip that is not true. In other words, if I share something that shouldn’t be shared, me claiming that it’s true is no defense. If it’s private, keep it private. And I should also add: Calling something a “prayer request” doesn’t automatically make a private matter shareable! And so, when somebody comes to me with a prayer request, that’s why I always try to ask, “Is it okay if we share this with the congregation?” You might have noticed that we have some check-boxes on the “connect cards” in our pews. On one side, we have a space for prayer requests, and under that section, we have two check boxes, “Please share this with the congregation,” or “I would prefer to discuss this with someone privately.” We certainly don’t want to be guilty of talebearing in the bulletin or by an email sent out to the entire congregation. It’s a different sin, but I might compare it to illegally copying copyrighted material (like music) to be used in worship. Just because it’s used in worship doesn’t make us exempt from the law (God’s law or the laws of the land). So, we do the best we can.

But, in terms of talebearing, the opposite of this (in Proverbs 11:13) is being “trustworthy.” That word goes back to the idea of being supportive, and it’s a word that was sometimes used to refer to supporting or carrying a baby. When somebody shares something personal with us, we have been given a huge responsibility. As one author has said, “In a world of constant gossip, betrayal, and criticism, we must be an island of concern, character, and integrity. When we are trustworthy, people will be open with us about their burdens, and we can be a blessing to them in their time of need.”

    3. Let’s continue with Proverbs 12:6, where King Solomon says that, “The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, but the mouth of the upright will deliver them.”

And again, this isn’t a warning against gossip explicitly, but we do find a warning about the words of the wicked causing damage, “lying in wait for blood.” And once again, the “mouth of the upright” is the answer to this destruction. I would just ask: Will there be someone in your life this week who gets slandered or gossiped about, who you may be able to deliver with your words? God calls us to come to the defense of the defenseless, and that is certainly true with those who are the victims of slander. But there’s also an implied warning to stay away from those who injure with their words. Earlier this week, a friend posted something interesting online when he said that, “Rumors can make you dislike innocent people. Don’t judge people by what others are saying about them. Be wise, get to know them for yourself, then form your own opinion. The one talking to you may be the one you need to stay away from.” Amen to that! We have a choice: We can use our words to tear down or build up, to injure or to heal. Solomon would encourage us to choose wisely.

    4. This brings us to Proverbs 16:27, where King Solomon says that, “A worthless man digs up evil, while his words are like scorching fire.”

Some people seem to enjoy digging up dirt on people. We think of those who follow celebrities, always looking for a slip-up. We might think of Princess Diana being chased by the paparazzi. Or we might think of some kind of a confirmation hearing in the Senate. And I guess that’s the point of it, but if I can find something embarrassing this guy did in high school 40 years ago, that would be awesome. And they will use this information to tear somebody down, even if they’ve matured through the years. Those who are “worthless,” Solomon says, “dig up evil.” There is perverse pleasure, it seems, in revealing sins from the past. And with the reference to “words” in this passage, we assume they are sharing this information. That’s why we are looking at this proverb under the heading of gossip. They dig up evil, and then they share that information through the words that they speak. Any fault, any failure, has to be publicized.

And these words are compared to a “scorching fire.” These words spread (I think that’s part of it here), and these words also cause damage. These words are destructive. So, for us, the warning is two-fold: First of all, don’t do this, and secondly, watch out for this. Avoid the guy who takes pleasure in digging up evil.

    5. We continue with the very next verse, in Proverbs 16:28, where King Solomon says that, “A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends.”

Some translations may refer to a perverse man “sowing” strife, but it’s the idea of sending, or spreading, or sowing, or delivering. Earlier this week, we sowed some pepper seeds at our house. We planted those seeds in trays, indoors, and we set those trays on warming mats, with the goal of having those seeds do well. Well, just as we might sow seeds, there are some people who sow strife. They say things that result in conflict. And often, even their tone is confrontational, even to the point where we may cringe when we see them coming, “Oh no! What terrible thing will this person say to me today?” And we may dread dealing with this. This is what Solomon is warning about here.

The second half of this proverb indicates that “a slanderer separates intimate friends.” To “slander,” in this context, is to whisper, or grumble, or criticize, and it’s the idea of doing it quietly or behind the scenes. Slander may very well destroy a relationship. Two people, once friends, can be torn apart by gossip.

So, what do we do if somebody comes whispering to us about a friend? Well, if they ask whether we can keep a secret, just say, “No.” Or maybe suggest that they just go work it out in person, “Oh, you have a problem with John? Yeah, that’s not me. He’s over there.” And if we hear somebody whispering about somebody else, we may have the power to put an end to it. I’d like to think that if I witnessed a physical assault I’d have the courage to step in and do something. Well, so also with a behind-the-scenes verbal assault. On the other hand, if I just listen in without stopping it, I have become an accomplice. And this applies online as well. Someone has said that, “It has never been easier to violate this proverb than with today’s ease of expressing yourself to one or many.”

    6. We continue with a somewhat similar message in Proverbs 17:9, where King Solomon says that, “He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”

Some things, therefore, need to be concealed. So, does this mean that God is encouraging a cover-up? No, we are not talking about hiding some secret sin so we can continue doing it. And I say this because of what Solomon says in the second half of this passage. On one hand, we have the concealing of a transgression, and on the other hand we have somebody “repeating a matter.” To repeat is to say something again. I want to assume, then, that the sin has been dealt with. What we are talking about here, then, is a sin that is forgiven (as a result of repentance), but somebody keeps bringing it up – again, and again, and again. When we’ve sinned, and when we’ve been forgiven, if somebody keeps bringing it up, that can be disastrous to a relationship. We know this. So, this is not a cover-up, this is post-forgiveness harassment! That right there will absolutely “separate intimate friends.” On the other hand, to maintain a friendship, we deal with sin by keeping the circle as small as possible. And that’s the advice Jesus will go on to give in Matthew 18. If somebody sins against us, we go and show him his sin in private. If he refuses to listen, we take a few others along to witness the process as we confront him again. And if he refuses to listen even to the witnesses, we take it to the church. Too often, though, people start by taking an issue to the church, or to the preacher, or to the elders. They have that whole process backwards. Solomon and Jesus, though, both suggest keeping the circle as small as possible. We don’t ignore sin, but we deal with it and leave it in the past.

As an example (not of dealing with sin, but of dealing with a potentially embarrassing situation), I think of Joseph, when he finds out that his fiance, Mary, is expecting. In Matthew 1:19, the Bible says that “Joseph…, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly.” And I know it wasn’t sin on Mary’s part (the farthest thing from it), but I just want us to notice that Joseph’s first reaction was to protect. He could have very easily embarrassed her publicly, but Joseph kept it quiet, and that’s the spirit of Proverbs 17:9. Especially in a family, we forgive, and then we stop repeating it. Marriage itself is the most intimate of friendships, and a spouse will know more about his or her partner’s faults than anybody. It would be wise to keep those to ourselves; otherwise, we risk doing damage to that friendship.

7-8.	We continue with two proverbs that are exactly the same, and this is pretty unusual – the first is in Proverbs 18:8 and its identical twin comes in Proverbs 26:22. They both say, “The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body.”

First of all, let’s deal with the issue of a Proverb being repeated. Is that a problem? Did Solomon make a mistake here? I would like to answer that with another question, and that is: As parents, have we ever had to repeat ourselves to our children? All. The. Time. We repeat ourselves, because our children often need to hear something again, and again, and again. And remember: Solomon is writing to his sons here, so this one must be especially important.

As we move on to what these two proverbs actually say, we find that “the words of a whisperer” are compared to “dainty morsels.” Most of the other translations have some variations of this, referring to the words of a whisperer as “choice food” or “delicious morsels.” And it’s the picture of some really, really good food. So, I would invite you to think about a food that’s better than any other. What could you eat, and eat, and eat? I save one of my favorites for road trips. Pringles is up there on the list for me. I generally don’t eat these at home. This is road food. Before a long trip, I will head to Woodman’s for Pringles. For years, I have asked that they make these available in a can that’s made for fat man hands. The only problem with Pringles is that they’re hard to get to after about half a can. My man hands get stuck. They need to make some oversize Pringles in a can for fat man hands. Pringles, but maybe 4 inches across. Someday! My other weakness would be those fake Girl Scout cookies from Aldi. Absolutely amazing. But think of a food that you could eat, and eat, and eat. That’s Solomon’s description of gossip. It’s tempting, because we like it. Now, if we’re talking about freeze-dried broccoli puffs, not so much. Or if a bag of chips goes stale, that’s not a temptation to us. We got a Costco-sized bag of tortilla chips a few months ago, we’re about halfway through it, but this week they finally went stale. I fed those to the squirrels. But delicious food is tempting. That’s the picture here.

Gossip is hard to resist. We love knowing stuff that we shouldn’t know. Generally speaking, we love hearing things we shouldn’t hear. Otherwise, we wouldn’t listen! But we do. And that’s the warning here. Solomon is recognizing the fact that listening to the words of a whisperer is appealing, and we need to be aware of the danger. Gossip is hard to resist.

And the real danger is that those words we hear make their way into the “innermost parts of the body.” Several weeks ago, we noted that most of us can remember words that were spoken to us decades ago, going back to when we were even 3 or 4 years old. Words are powerful. So also with gossip. When we hear some juicy tidbit about somebody, it is almost impossible to forget it. And it changes our perception of that person going forward. We can’t un-hear something. So, we need to be especially careful not to listen in the first place.

9.	We continue with Proverbs 20:19, where King Solomon says that, “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip.”

Solomon makes it really simple here: Just stay away from people who talk too much.

10.	This brings us to our last one for today, where we have a somewhat related proverb from another author. Like Psalms, Proverbs is a collection, and in Proverbs 30 we have several proverbs from Agur, the son of Jakeh, the oracle. Agur says in Proverbs 30:10, “Do not slander a slave to his master, or he will curse you and you will be found guilty.”

I do appreciate The Message on this one, where it says, “Don’t blow the whistle on your fellow workers behind their backs; they’ll accuse you of being underhanded, and then you’ll be the guilty one!” Again, that’s a paraphrase (half those words aren’t even found in the original text), but it does seem to be the gist of it. Slaves in those days were easily oppressed and had very little legal protection. It would be tempting, then, to slander a slave to get him in trouble, but the message here is that that kind of move may very well come back to bite you. So, I would take this as yet another reminder from scripture: Make sure you are fair with those who are vulnerable (whether widows, or orphans, or slaves, or anyone who is oppressed). We are to treat all people with the utmost of respect. And we are to be especially careful when interacting with those who have less power than we do.

We think of Jesus who was falsely accused of all kinds of things, but God took care of that in the end, with the city of Jerusalem being leveled by the Romans within a generation, just as Jesus had predicted.

Conclusion:

This brings us to the end of this series within a series on the danger of GOSSIP. We’ve looked at whispering this morning. Gossip is so dangerous and destructive. We’ve learned to identify it, and we’ve also learned to stay away from those who love talking about other people. But we’ve also learned that gossip is a very real temptation. And that reminds us that most of us are almost certainly guilty. And that’s why we’re here: To hear from God on this. As was read for us earlier from Luke 6:45, “The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.” If we say inappropriate things, it’s a heart problem, and we’re here this morning to ask God to change our hearts. Let’s ask God for forgiveness, and let’s allow the word of God to change us this week.

Next week, Josh Yancy will be bringing the message, and John Higgins is on deck for the week after that. But, let’s close today’s study in prayer:

Our Father in Heaven,

We praise you as the God who made us. You know our hearts, and you know that we often struggle with what we say. Sometimes, as we have learned today from King Solomon, we say too much. We also confess that we sometimes fail to turn away when others are saying what they shouldn’t. We ask, Father, that you would change us from the inside out so that we will only speak what is helpful and appropriate for each situation.

We ask all of this in Jesus’ name. AMEN.

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